


I'm Scared To Get Close

by sparklingjaguar



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Female Reader, Levi and reader are the same age
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2019-08-06 01:32:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16378847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparklingjaguar/pseuds/sparklingjaguar
Summary: I'm wondering whether I can afford to get close to people anymore but maybe, just maybe, it's worth the risk...





	I'm Scared To Get Close

**Author's Note:**

> I recently started watching Attack On Titan and just finished season 1. Levi's my favourite character so I thought I'd write this, however brief it may be.
> 
> Inspired by "Can You Feel My Heart" by Bring Me The Horizon.  
>  

 

    **Y/n's POV**

 

  "It was so cool seeing the forest for the first time!" Armin exclaimed. "All the leaves and the texture of the trees..."

 

   Mikasa smiled softly. "Yeah." She turned to me. "What about you, Y/n? How many of the expeditions have you been on?"

 

   "I've been on a few. I stopped counting really." I'd been a part of the Scouting Regiment for longer than they had been. I got to know them after I'd been assigned to help train some of the new recruits. "Minus the titans, it's always just as beautiful as before." I sighed. "Not that there's ever much time to admire the landscape, but one can dream."

 

   We were all seated around a table talking about the last mission. Hange had been trying to catch another titan after Bean and Sawney, so we had to venture into the woods. It just so happened that it was the first exterior scouting mission that Armin and Mikasa had been on, so they were understandably excited afterwards and, fortunately, we lost less soldiers than usual.

 

   

   While the new recruits were gushing over what happened, I realized Eren was missing, only to see him slip through the door and take the seat next to Armin.

   

   "Hey guys. Sorry I'm late."

 

   Mikasa frowned at him. "Where were you? I was worried..."

 

   "Ugh, I got caught up in a meeting with the Captain." 

 

   I flinched slightly at the mention of him. I'd met Levi when I first joined the regiment and, after I'd somehow broken through his tough exterior, we became good friends, though I'd be lying to myself if I said that I didn't want something more. Recently, we'd been spending more time together before he just...broke off contact. We barely saw each other anymore. It was like he'd forgotten I existed.

 

   Things with him were somewhat... difficult.

 

   "Oh yeah. Y/n?"

 

   "Hmm?"

 

   "He asked me to send you to his office."

 

   Great. This will be interesting.

 

 

    **Levi's POV**

 

  I sat at my desk, head in my hands. She hates me. Why the hell did I tell her to come here?

 

   Before I could back out, I heard a knock at the door.

 

   "Name and business," I sighed as I looked up.

 

   "It's me."

 

   Right. That's why. Just hearing her voice made me remember how much I'd missed her.

 

   "Come in."

 

   She came in and stood in front of my desk with an annoyed expression.

 

   "What do you want Levi?"

 

   Where to begin.

 

   When I had first met Y/n, she was just another cadet, nothing special, until we started training together. We spent more time with each other and I was reluctant to admit that I saw her as a friend. It was like she brought back emotions that I had numbed myself to, like she lit up the dark I had encased myself in. She broke down my walls, allowed me to be more than just a soldier.

 

   She allowed me to care.

 

   The problem was that I didn't. I felt our connection forming, but I couldn't leave it to grow. I couldn't afford to care. I cut it off and put myself back in the dark, in the void of numbness that I 'd been in before.

 

   I didn't want to care in case I lost her, like the others in the past.

 

   Then what was I doing now?

 

   When I cut her off, it was like a weight lifted from my shoulders, but also more put on. I had taken all of the little things for granted, the lively training sessions, the morning tea, the late-night conversations, and now they were just... gone.

   

   I realized that her presence was the only thing keeping me anything close to happy anymore. Without her, my life was the empty shell that I thought I needed, but had in fact come to despise.

 

   Hesitantly, I stood up and walked over to her.

 

   "I... I guess I wanted to apologize for what I've done recently." She looked at me, somewhat disappointed.

 

   "You cut me off completely without so much as a goodbye. I don't think an apology will make this better." 

 

   As she turned around to walk away, I grabbed her wrist.

 

   "Then what about an explanation? I at least owe you that."

 

   "Make it quick." She turned to face me again and I cursed myself internally. What on earth was I thinking? I'd decided that I couldn't open up to people anymore, then again, Y/n wasn't just people, was she?

 

   "Y/n, you know how dangerous our job is. People die everyday and I've had to witness the people I care about get killed. When I joined the Scouts I swore to myself not to get attached to anyone. It was just too risky and I couldn't bear to watch more people I love die." I sighed. "You were someone new, someone different, someone I could... tolerate for more than thirty seconds." She smiled and shook her head and something in me lit up. I hated seeing her unhappy. "You were the first I'd been able to open up to in a long time and I actually considered you as a friend. Believe me when I say I didn't want to ignore you, I really didn't, but I thought it was for the best. I didn't want to bond because if I had to watch you die, I don't know what I'd do. I'm honestly... scared to get close." I looked down and took a deep breath in anticipation.

 

   I felt a hand on my arm and glanced up at her. "Levi, I'm not going anywhere. I understand why you did what you did but I just wanted some warning beforehand." 

   Before I could respond, she pulled me into a hug.

   "It's okay to be scared. I am too. But the thing is, you don't have to do it on your own. You just have to find someone to help you through it. And you're allowed to drop the soldier act for two seconds." 

   I returned the hug and smiled.

   "Thank you, Y/n."

  

   As we drew apart, I looked into her eyes and remembered how much I hated being alone. Well, not necessarily alone, just without her it seemed. She fixed my broken soul and, in that moment, I started to wonder how I ever survived on my own.

   Against the odds, she had helped the hopeless.

  And maybe, however much I wanted to deny it, I wanted more than just friendship.

 

 

    **Y/n's POV**

 

   I was still a little upset about what Levi did, but I could understand it. We were all scared of losing people, and this was no different.

 

   "Do you still want to be friends? Its fine if you don't and I understand the situation you're in-"

   "No I do still want to be friends, it's just...complicated."

   

   He stood in front of me in silence for a minute then, almost cautiously, raised his hand to rest on my cheek.

   "Levi, w-what are you doing?" I stuttered.

   "I'm not really sure. But I think I want you to be more than a friend. The time I spent without you made me realize that you were my light in the dark. I don't think I could live without you any longer." 

 

   My heart sped up as I felt him move in, his warm breath over my lips, his hands cupping my face and I rested mine on his chest as I leaned in to brush my lips over his. He pulled me closer as our lips pressed together, his tongue slipping into my mouth, gentle but demanding as he moved his hands down my sides to rest on my waist.

 

   We were both entirely immersed in the kiss until we heard the door creak. Looking up immediately, we saw Eren stood in the doorway, eyes wide and a smile on his face. 

 

   Levi drew back from me and faced him, fuming. At that point, Eren stopped smiling and backed away.

   "I'm sorry sir. I'll just go..."

   "Hold on brat. You breath a single fucking word of this to anyone, you'll be cleaning the entire headquarters for a year. Understood?" he hissed.

   "Yes sir."

 

   As Eren ran off again, Levi locked the door. He walked back over to me and pushed me up against the wall, holding me by my wrists above my head.

 

   "Now then," he whispered huskily, "where were we?"

 

 

 

 

**(bonus POV)**

 

"So? Anything interesting Eren?"

 

   "Mhm. I caught them in a bit of a heated moment but he was back to threatening me instantly, so not much new."

 

   "I KNEW IT! I TOLD YOU THEY HAD A THING FOR EACH OTHER!"

 

   "Right. Mikasa?"

 

   "Yeah?"

 

   "They're a thing now. I won the bet."

 

   

   


End file.
